Who Am I, and Who Are You?

Searching for truth is not just reading and studying, it also requires introspection and an understanding of who we are and what motivates our search.

I believe that there is such a thing as absolute truth, and I believe that God is the source of that truth. At the same time, I believe that part of our purpose in this life is to search for that truth, and sometimes, the search itself is more meaningful than the truth that we eventually find. It is through our efforts that we learn about ourselves, as well as the truth that we seek.

What does it mean to know ourselves?

This is a complicated question that has many different opinions. One author has given the opinion that some aspect of knowing ourselves includes “appreciat[ing] how we think, and what is behind our beliefs. . . . [Getting] a sense of our emotions. . . . [Getting] a clearer idea of our goals. . . . [U]nderstanding our strengths and our limitations. . . . [Getting] a better idea of the fears and attractions that govern our choices.”¹

Understanding ourselves doesn’t just have to come from examining our inner-most thoughts and emotions. We can learn more about ourselves as we learn more about others: “[T]here is value in discovering the ways our beliefs and thought processes differ from others, and also the similarities. There is value in discovering what is unique and what is common, in contrasting and comparing. We can strive to see the perspectives of others. We don’t have to agree with them, but if we can start to understand them we can put our own beliefs into perspective. We can better know ourselves by trying to know others.”¹

We can find meaning in our life experiences.

I love thinking about my life as a story. My combined life experiences, good or bad, form the story of my life. My experiences are different from everyone else who has ever lived. It’s amazing to me that out of the billions of people who have lived on this planet, I am unique. So how will I tell the story of my life experiences? Will I try to present my life experiences as fact, will I spin my experiences to put myself in a better light, or worse? Will I be optimistic and present my life in a positive way, or pessimistic and discuss mainly the negative details? Will I have the capacity to see the many facets of my life experiences, or will I only be able to see certain parts, thereby defining myself with only limited perspective?

“How do you know if the meanings we give to a life happening are more right than wrong? If it is really right for you, you will feel freer and ready to move forward with your decision and life. The meanings you give to the experience will highlight needs and desires that make sense with the features of the life you’ve lived thus far. Too, you will have a certainty in heart, mind and spirit that minimizes your doubt. The line between what is right or wrong for you lessens, as you have intuited meanings that move you forward and give greater fulfillment.”²

This is why people can have such significant differences of opinion. A person’s identity, or knowledge of who they are, significantly influences their sense of what feels right or what feels wrong. As we gain a better understanding of ourselves, we can more easily recognize why we feel certain ways, and it will give us more patience with others as we seek to understand them.

Our motivation can help us understand ourselves.

Dr. Steven Reiss studied motivation for more than 30 years, and attempted to understand behavior by looking at the motives behind that behavior.³ In his own moment of personal tragedy, facing a life-challenging illness, Dr. Reiss contemplated the “larger picture” of who he was and where he was headed in life: “When we are faced with tragedy, we review what we have done, think about what we might have done, and wonder what it all means. We become clear on what it is we desire most. We learn who we are and what we truly value.”⁴

I’m not a psychologist, and I barely understand these concepts, but I like to ask myself questions about why I am taking certain actions, or why I want certain things. As I have tried to understand my motivation, I believe that I have gained a better understanding of who I am.

As it pertains to the search for truth, I have mentioned in other posts that at the age of 40, I was wrestling with what I believed. But I stepped back from that, and for a moment instead of asking myself what I believed, I started asking myself what I wanted most out of life. That effort helped to guide and clarify my search. To use the idiom of “missing the forest for the trees,” I was so caught up in a few specific things that I questioned, that I wasn’t thinking about the bigger picture. Thinking more about my personal motivations and what I wanted most out of life helped me to step back and see the bigger picture in my search.

The role of the Holy Ghost

The Holy Ghost will “teach [us] all things, and bring all things to [our] remembrance.”⁵ But the influence of the Holy Ghost will not interfere with our agency.⁶ The Holy Ghost is a still, small voice.⁷ Just as we can misunderstand others when we try to communicate, because we are mortal and imperfect, we can misunderstand the promptings of the Holy Ghost.⁸ And so, God tells us to study.⁹ He tells us to search the scriptures, and to rely upon those things that have already been written.¹⁰ He not only teaches us doctrine and gives us commandments, but he also teaches us using logic and reason.¹¹

In other words, God allows us to be us, and he gives us the opportunity to search and find answers for ourselves. He teaches us in words we can understand. He gives us teachings and commandments that can be understood by the most mature of all saints, as well as the youngest of little children.¹² He has given us time,¹³ and a Savior who will guide, strengthen, comfort, uplift, and forgive as we live our lives and make mistakes along the way.

Based on all of this, as well as my own personal experience, I believe that God allows us to struggle as we search. The Holy Ghost will not overwhelm us, and so at times it might feel like a struggle to determine what is true. That is why faith is the first principle of the gospel, and we receive no witness until after the trial of our faith.¹⁴

So what?

What do any of these ramblings mean? As a 40-year-old who had lived in the church my whole life, I was frustrated and confused as to why I was still struggling to understand what was true. I simply didn’t know whether what I had felt was the Holy Ghost, or whether it was my own thoughts and feelings. We are taught that the Holy Ghost will teach us truth, so I was starting to worry why I didn’t feel that conviction or confidence after what I perceived to be 40 years of effort.

And this is why knowing ourselves can give us clarity in our search. Our motivation and personal convictions can give us guidance. I stepped back and stopped worrying so much about my worries, and focused on what I wanted most in life. I realized that my core values, what I wanted most, was my family relationship. And that relationship was defined by what I had been taught in the church. I started looking at the bigger picture that included the teachings regarding Jesus Christ and his atonement, his priesthood authority that enabled us to make covenants with him, including the sealing power that binds families for eternity. As I pondered on those things, I found more comfort in patiently continuing my search. I didn’t jump to conclusions, and I continued to exercise faith, until the time came when I did receive the confirmation through the Holy Ghost. And so now, almost a decade later, I have confidence in the reality of the Holy Ghost and the truthfulness of the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. That confidence comes in God’s time, and in his way, and I believe it comes after the trial of faith, only when God knows we are ready.

References

1. Gary Klein Ph.D., “Know Yourself,” PsychologyToday.com, Dec. 1, 2015, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/seeing-what-others-dont/201512/know-yourself.
2. Deborah Khoshaba Psy.D., “How We Story Our Life Experience Matters,” PsychologyToday.com, Mar. 19, 2014, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/get-hardy/201403/how-we-story-our-life-experience-matters.
3. Steven Reiss, Ph.D, “The Science of Motivation,” https://www.reissmotivationprofile.com/motivation.
4. Steven Reiss, Ph.D, “Who Am I?,” Penguin Putnam Inc., 2000, Kindle ebook, p. 1.
5. John 14:26.
6. Moses 4:3 (“Wherefore, because that Satan rebelled against me, and sought to destroy the agency of man, which I, the Lord God, had given him, and also, that I should give unto him mine own power; by the power of mine Only Begotten, I caused that he should be cast down.”)
7. 1 Kings 19:11-12.
8. Doctrine and Covenants 50:15 (“[R]eceived ye spirits which ye could not understand, and received them to be of God; and in this are ye justified?”).
9. Doctrine and Covenants 9:8 (“[Y]ou must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right.”)
10. Doctrine and Covenants 18:3 (“I give unto you a commandment, that you rely upon the things which are written.”)
11. Doctrine and Covenants 50:11-12 (“Let us reason even as a man reasoneth one with another face to face. Now, when a man reasoneth he is understood of man, because he reasoneth as a man; even so will I, the Lord, reason with you that you may understand.”)
12. Doctrine and Covenants 89:3 (“Given for a principle with promise, adapted to the capacity of the weak and the weakest of all saints, who are or can be called saints.”)
13. 2 Nephi 2:21 (“[T]heir state became a state of probation, and their time was lengthened.”)
14. Ether 12:6.