In Luke 11, we read that the Savior’s disciples approached him and asked, “Lord, teach us to pray.”1 He responded by teaching them the Lord’s prayer, then giving the parable of the friend at midnight. This parable teaches us how we can improve our prayers.
The very fact that the Savior’s disciples asked him to teach them how to pray shows us that prayer is something we can improve. President Russell M. Nelson has said that we should “pray to know how to pray for more power.”2 As we study the parable of the friend at midnight, and as we pray to know how to pray, we can find greater purpose in prayer.3
The Lord’s Prayer
The Savior begins his answer with giving his disciples the pattern of prayer. This pattern is taught in Matthew and Luke, with a few minor wording differences. The following chart compares the two accounts, with the differences highlighted:
| Luke 11:2-4 | Matthew 6:9-13 |
| Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. | Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. |
| Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, as in heaven, so in earth. | Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. |
| Give us day by day our daily bread. | Give us this day our daily bread. |
| And forgive us our sins; for we also forgive every one that is indebted to us. | And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. |
| And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil. | And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen. |
In his talk titled, “Lessons from the Lord’s Prayers,” given in the April 2009 general conference, President Russell M. Nelson taught, “[T]he Lord’s Prayer serves as a pattern to follow and not as a piece to memorize and recite repetitively. The Master simply wants us to pray for God’s help while we strive constantly to resist evil and live righteously.”4
As taught by President Nelson, the Lord’s Prayer serves as a pattern to help us pray more sincerely.
The parable of the friend at midnight
After teaching the Lord’s Prayer, the Savior then gives a parable, which is found only in the book of Luke:
“Which of you shall have a friend, and shall go unto him at midnight, and say unto him, Friend, lend me three loaves;
“For a friend of mine in his journey is come to me, and I have nothing to set before him?
“And he from within shall answer and say, Trouble me not: the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give thee.
“I say unto you, Though he will not rise and give him, because he is his friend, yet because of his importunity he will rise and give him as many as he needeth.
“And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.
“For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.”5
This parable can be challenging to understand, particularly because it uses the word “friend” to refer to different people. When I contemplate this parable, I typically paraphrase it to make it a little simpler to understand:
“A man had a friend coming into town, but didn’t have any food to give him. So he went to his neighbor, and said, ‘Neighbor, can you lend me some bread? I have a friend coming into town and I don’t have anything to give him.’ But it was late, and so the neighbor didn’t want to get up. But the man was persistent and continued to ask. So the neighbor got up and gave the man as much as he needed.”
This parable contains simple but significant elements that show us the relationship between prayer, agency, revelation, and serving others.
1. The man recognized his friend’s need.
The first step, and perhaps one that is often overlooked, is recognizing need. When we are baptized, we make three specific covenants: “to serve God, to keep His commandments, and to be willing to take on the name of Jesus Christ.”6 The covenant to “serve God” is often referred to as a covenant to “serve God and to serve others,” because “[s]erving others is one of the primary ways we serve God.”7 The Savior taught, “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”8
It can be hard to know what someone needs. But there is one simple suggestion that can help: “People who spend more time with individuals different from themselves tend to adopt a more empathic outlook toward others.”9 As we spend time with others, we will notice things that can give us ideas about how to help.
Elder Neil L. Andersen encouraged students at Brigham Young University to take courage in expressing concerns about things we see that are not consistent with discipleship. He said, “Let us not be self-righteous, but let us be spiritually courageous in ministering in a holier way, specifically by strengthening the faith of others. To stir your thinking, consider these possible situations:
- You notice that a roommate spends an inordinate amount of time playing games on an iPhone but rarely engages in conversations relating to gospel topics.
- You have a sense that a friend may have a problem with pornography.
- You are in a conversation with friends and notice that the language being used is edgy and inappropriate.
- You smell alcohol or marijuana in a friend’s car.
- You see prescription drugs that you know are not being used properly.
- Your friends are spending enormous time taking and posting pictures of themselves that move to the edge of immodesty.
- You notice that someone who once seemed to love to talk about the Book of Mormon now never mentions it.
- You notice that a friend who once seemed to love to go to the temple now is not going.
- You notice a friend who once spoke with faith about the prophet’s counsel now speaks critically.
- You have a returned missionary roommate who has become very casual in wearing clothing that reflects temple covenants.
- You notice a friend who finds reasons to go places on Sunday other than your ward.
- You have a sense that a friend has started to be dishonest in small things.
- You have a classmate who began the semester very engaged in your religion class but who now seems disinterested and disengaged.
- You know someone who had a light in his or her eyes after returning from a mission, but now that light seems to have faded.
- You have a friend who jokes about sacred things.
- You have a friend who came to BYU with the expectation of finding an eternal companion and hasn’t. The discouragement with dating has moved to “God doesn’t love me.”
- You see a friend’s faith being affected by compromised worthiness and his need to repent.
“Can you envision these situations or others like them? Have specific names come into your mind?”10 Elder Andersen made it clear that these observations are not used to judge others, but to begin conversations that might help further explore needs and minister in a higher and holier way. We have to keep our eyes open in order to discern when a need exists.
2. The man came up with an idea of how he could help.
After discerning that his friend had a need, the man made a decision about how to help. He knew his friend would need to eat, and so he knew he had to obtain some food. He used his agency to make a choice.
This act follows well-established principles of revelation taught in the Doctrine and Covenants:
“For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward.
“Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;
“For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward.”11
The Lord wants us to use our agency. He wants us to think, study, ponder, and make decisions. In this parable, the man discerned his friend’s need, and then decided to do something to try and help.
3. The man asked for help to accomplish what he had decided.
After the man had made a decision, he asked his neighbor for help to accomplish that decision. The man couldn’t help his friend on his own, so in order to help, he asked the neighbor. This follows a pattern set out in the scriptures.
To Oliver Cowdery, the Lord said:
“Behold, you have not understood; you have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me.
“But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.
“But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong; therefore, you cannot write that which is sacred save it be given you from me.”12
The Lord wanted Oliver Cowdery to study it out and make a choice. Then he wanted Oliver to ask the Lord if that decision was right. This correlates to the parable, where the man knew what he needed, and asked the neighbor to help.
It is significant to recognize that the man did not simply ask the neighbor to take care of it. He didn’t say, “I have a friend coming but I don’t have anything to give him. Can he stay with you?” How often do we pray for others by saying something such as, “please bless John,” or “please help Jane,” and we essentially put it in the Lord’s hands. This man wanted to help, and instead of asking his neighbor to take care of it, he came up with an idea and asked his neighbor to help him accomplish what he had decided.
4. The man did not give up.
One of the primary lessons in the parable is that the man did not give up. Although the neighbor was not inclined to help because of the late hour, the man was persistent. This teaches us many principles, including patience and accepting the will of the Lord, while at the same time being diligent.
There is a correlation between patience and diligence. The Preach My Gospel manual, teaching of Christlike attributes, says that “[p]atience is not idleness or passive resignation. It is ‘cheerfully [doing] all things that lie in [your] power’ as you serve God (Doctrine and Covenants 123:17). You plant, water, and nourish the seed, and God gives the increase ‘by and by’ (Alma 32:42; see also 1 Corinthians 3:6–8). You work in partnership with God, trusting that when you have done your part, He will accomplish His work in His time and according to individual agency.”
Patience is not sitting idly, just waiting for something to happen. Elder David A. Bednar has taught that we are “to act and be doers of the word and not simply hearers who are only acted upon.”13 And so diligence is also a Christlike attribute.
“Diligence is consistent, earnest effort. . . . Diligence includes doing many good things of your own free will instead of waiting for leaders to tell you what to do.”14
This parable teaches us that we should be diligent, even as we ask for help from the Lord.
5. The man’s efforts were in the service of others.
This parable teaches us to use our agency, make decisions, take those decisions to the Lord, and be diligent as we serve him. But it is given in the context of serving others. Through this parable, we learn that when the Lord tells us to ask, seek, and knock, he is not telling us to do so for selfish purposes, but in the service of others.
It is fascinating to me that in the Lord’s prayer, the pattern says, “give us day by day our daily bread.” Then in the parable of the friend at midnight, the purpose in asking for bread was to give it to someone else. We often “ask, seek, and knock” when we want something for ourselves. And certainly, there are times when it is appropriate to ask after our own interests. In the Book of Mormon, we read that Amulek taught that we should “cry unto the Lord . . . continually for your welfare, and also for the welfare of those who are around you.”15 But in this parable, we are taught the importance of praying to enable us to help others.
There are many other things we can learn from this parable
In the For the Strength of Youth Magazine in June 2023, an article titled, “The Friend at Midnight,” a graphic displays some additional teachings from this parable:
This article asks us to put ourselves in the place of the neighbor, and consider how we would respond if someone came to us at midnight asking for bread.
The New Testament institute manual discusses this parable, and quotes the following from Elder James E. Talmage: “The Lord’s lesson was, that if man, with all his selfishness and disinclination to give, will nevertheless grant what his neighbor with proper purpose asks and continues to ask in spite of objection and temporary refusal, with assured certainty will God grant what is persistently asked in faith and with righteous intent. No parallelism lies between man’s selfish refusal and God’s wise and beneficent waiting. There must be a consciousness of real need for prayer, and real trust in God, to make prayer effective; and in mercy the Father sometimes delays the granting that the asking may be more fervent.”16
A beautiful commentary, “The Testimony of Luke,” part of the BYU New Testament Commentary series, offers this analysis:
“On another level, persistence forms the motto in this story. In this brief account, Jesus captures the essence of prayer: its success requires consistent and sustained effort. The importuning man succeeds not because of the goodwill of his friend who is already in bed—and there is plenty of goodwill—but because he persists in knocking and imploring at the friend’s door. In the end, his friend cannot deny him. To be sure, the request is modest: only three loaves of bread. But the reason for the request, the arrival of an unexpected guest, demands the host’s immediate and, if needed, sustained action. The hour of the day, midnight in this case, does not ultimately count but cleverly adds to the drama of the story. Even so, at the edge of Jesus’ notation about the time of day rests the reassurance that God is available at any time and in any circumstance.”17
We should do all things with inspiration
Although I believe the Savior’s teaching helps us understand the practical application of being “anxiously engaged,” I also believe that everything we do should be under the inspiration of the Holy Ghost. A simple verse in the Book of Mormon shows us that we can receive revelation in all things, even when exercising our agency:
“And it came to pass that when Jesus had thus prayed unto the Father, he came unto his disciples, and behold, they did still continue, without ceasing, to pray unto him; and they did not multiply many words, for it was given unto them what they should pray, and they were filled with desire.”18
In that example, the Lord’s disciples were praying with inspiration from the Holy Ghost. Even as we “study it out,” even as we exercise our agency, even as we are “anxiously engaged,” the Holy Ghost can open our minds, help us think more clearly, and give us ideas. When we have the gift of the Holy Ghost, and when we strive to always receive that guidance, thoughts and impressions from the Holy Ghost will often blend with our own reasoning, confirming and elevating our choices.
Our prayers will be elevated as we seek to serve others, make inspired choices, and ask our Father in Heaven to confirm and help us as we proceed along our chosen path. The Lord’s parable of the friend at midnight provides significant insights into how he wants us to pray.
References
- Luke 11:1. ↩︎
- Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Russell M. Nelson, “Chapter 15: Prayer,” https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/teachings-of-presidents-of-the-church-russell-m-nelson/15-prayer?lang=eng&id=p27#p27. ↩︎
- Hymns of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1985, Hymn no. 131, “More Holiness Give Me,” https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/media/music/songs/more-holiness-give-me?crumbs=hymns&lang=eng. ↩︎
- Russell M. Nelson, “Lessons from the Lord’s Prayers,” April 2009, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2009/04/lessons-from-the-lords-prayers?lang=eng. In this talk, President Nelson discusses the Lord’s Prayer at length, including passages quoted in the Book of Mormon and the Joseph Smith Translation of the Bible. ↩︎
- Luke 11:5-10. ↩︎
- Dale G. Renlund, “Stronger and Closer Connection to God Through Multiple Covenants,” BYU Speeches, March 5, 2024, https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/dale-g-renlund/stronger-and-closer-connection-to-god-through-multiple-covenants/. ↩︎
- Preach My Gospel: A Guide to Sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ, “Chapter 3: Lesson 4 – Becoming Lifelong Disciples of Jesus Christ,” (quoting Mosiah 2:17), https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/preach-my-gospel-2023/04-chapter-3/11-chapter-3-lesson-4?lang=eng&id=p98#p98. ↩︎
- Matthew 25:40. ↩︎
- “Empathy,” Psychology Today website, (reviewed by Psychology Today Staff), https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/empathy?. ↩︎
- Neil L. Andersen, “A Holier Approach to Ministering,” BYU Speeches, April 10, 2018, https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/neil-l-andersen/a-holier-approach-to-ministering/. ↩︎
- Doctrine and Covenants 58:26-28. ↩︎
- Doctrine and Covenants 9:7-9. ↩︎
- David A. Bednar, “Seek Learning by Faith,” Ensign, September 2007, 63, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2007/09/seek-learning-by-faith?lang=eng. ↩︎
- Preach My Gospel, “Chapter 6: Seek Christlike Attributes,” 132, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/preach-my-gospel-2023/14-chapter-6?lang=eng&id=p58#p58. ↩︎
- Alma 34:17-27. ↩︎
- New Testament Student Manual, Religion 211-212, “Chapter 17: Luke 9-14,” https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/new-testament-student-manual/introduction-to-the-gospel-according-to-st-luke/chapter-17-luke-9-14?lang=eng&id=p40#p40. ↩︎
- Brown, S. Kent. The Testimony of Luke. BYU New Testament Commentary. Provo, UT: BYU Studies, 2015, Kindle Edition, https://byustudies.byu.edu/product/byu-new-testament-commentary-the-testimony-of-luke. ↩︎
- 3 Nephi 19:24. ↩︎