I am a believing member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This site is the product of my faith development, and how I learned to discover faith in Christ by studying Church history. For a period of time I struggled with my faith, but through study and a determination to believe, my faith was strengthened.
How it all started
In February, 2013, I began studying Church history. On a particularly long drive, I looked for something to listen to, and found a podcast called the Joseph Smith Papers. I was 39 years old at the time, had been raised a member of the Church and served a mission, but as I listened to that podcast, I discovered for the first time that there were multiple accounts of Joseph Smith’s First Vision. I felt surprised and a little shocked, but I wanted to know more. So I began to study.
I read everything I could find about Church history, including the Joseph Smith Papers. I researched, I read, I studied, and I compared sources. I read official sources authorized by the Church, and I read contrary opinions. For about a year and a half I read everything I could find, but the longer I studied the more I realized that the proof I wanted was not in the history. There wasn’t anything that in my opinion proved it was untrue, but there also wasn’t anything in the historical documents that proved to me it was true.
My risk assessment
From my study of the scriptures, I knew that the only “proof” was through the inspiration of the Holy Ghost. I believed I had received answers by the Holy Ghost, but I always questioned whether that was really the Holy Ghost, or whether it was just my own thoughts or emotions. As I pondered these things, I knew I had to make a decision. Was I going to live the gospel of Jesus Christ as taught by the Church, or not? I knew I couldn’t remain as I was, and so I performed a “risk assessment.” I asked myself various questions about what would happen if I kept living it if it wasn’t true, or on the other hand, what would happen if I stopped living it if it was true. As I performed that practical evaluation, I determined that the rewards of living the gospel outweighed the risk of not living it. So, decided to believe. I wouldn’t just continue as I was, but I would jump into it with my whole heart.
I knew there were various blessings promised to me if I continued faithful, the most important to me being those promised in the sealing ordinance when I was married to my wife in the temple. As I performed this “risk assessment,” I knew that if those promises were true, I would have to satisfy the conditions required for me to receive those blessings. So although I wasn’t certain whether it was true, I decided to live in a way that would entitle me to those blessings if it was true.
The confirmation of the Holy Ghost
It wasn’t long before I felt a confidence, a conviction of the truthfulness of the Church and the reality of Jesus Christ. I have felt the reality of the Holy Ghost, and the power of the atonement of Jesus Christ. At the writing of this, it has been about nine years since I chose to believe, and I have had a peace of conscience and a relationship with the Savior that exceeds anything I felt in the first four decades of my life.
I have studied Church history for the past decade, using the Joseph Smith Papers as my primary source. I have collected and read all printed volumes, and when volume 15 of the Documents series was published (the last of the published books), I found myself wondering what I would do with all of those books. Would they just sit on my shelf? What else could I do with them? I decided to write about my experiences, what I’ve felt as I’ve studied, what I’ve learned, and how studying Church history has impacted me.
I have grown closer to Jesus Christ through my study of Church history. I have seen how He is patient with imperfect people. He is merciful, kind, and loving, but He is also demanding, and expects us to repent and become better than what we are right now. Through His grace and power, we can be better than we are. I know there are people who have lost their faith studying Church history, so I wanted to provide my perspective: we can discover faith in Christ by studying Church history.
I’m not a scholar or an academic. I’m just an ordinary guy who likes to read. As a lawyer, I have experience researching and writing, but that style of writing is more technical, which is what you’ll likely see in my posts. I love being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and my study of Church history has strengthened my conviction in my faith.
My hope is that anyone who visits this site will find at least one piece to whatever puzzle they’re trying to put together. I would love to engage in conversation, but I would ask that we do so in a respectful manner. I would love to hear your perspective, and I hope that you will listen to mine.