Discover Joy in Gathering

This post is quite personal. I have often found it challenging to “gather” with others. But over the last decade, I have been surprised at how much joy I have discovered in my associations with people. I have made more friends, felt more joy being with other people, and have seen in my study of the scriptures how gathering can lead to healing.

An introverted life

I am an introvert. I’ve always found it challenging to interact with people, and I’ve always struggled in social situations. I recently read an article about introverts, and was surprised at how perfectly this described me:

“Given the choice, you’ll devote your social energy to a small group of people you care about most, preferring a glass of wine with a close friend to a party full of strangers. You think before you speak, have a more deliberate approach to risk, and enjoy solitude. You feel energized when focusing deeply on a subject or activity that really interests you. When you’re in overly stimulating environments (too loud, too crowded, etc.), you tend to feel overwhelmed. You seek out environments of peace, sanctuary, and beauty; you have an active inner life and are at your best when you tap into its riches.”¹

OK, so I don’t drink wine, but the rest is pretty much spot on. And I have found that as I’ve gotten older, my “introvertedness” is actually increasing. For example, not too long ago my family went to a BYU basketball game. We were pretty close to the top row, and not long into the game I started to feel myself hyperventilating. I thought, “I’m having a panic attack.” I had to leave the arena and walk around the concourse for a bit to calm down. So the statement, “When you’re in overly stimulating environments (too loud, too crowded, etc.), you tend to feel overwhelmed,” most definitely applies to me, and that aspect is getting worse as I get older.

Are extroverts happier?

I recently took an “Introversion/Extroversion” test on the Psychology Today website, and got a score of “Strongly Introverted.”² The test made the following observations:

• As a highly introverted person, you may be misunderstood. For example, introverts do not dislike other people; neither are they necessarily shy or lonely. Loneliness depends on perception: An introvert who sees just a few people a day may feel socially fulfilled while a highly extroverted person may feel lonely in a crowd.
• You may find small talk at parties to be exhausting but you are probably as eager as anyone else to see close friends. You may just prefer meeting with them one-on-one.

It also gave me a suggestion: “Try a little extroversion. Research suggests that when people act in a more extroverted way for a specific period, they report feeling happier.”

I find that fascinating. Are extroverts happier? A search on the Psychology Today website reveals dozens of articles addressing that question. One author wrote, “Research shows a strong correlation between extroversion and happiness. [However,] I believe these findings are, at least in part, artifacts of how extraversion is measured. . . . The research captures a limited form of introversion; an almost caricaturized and certainly less nuanced portrayal of what introverts have to offer.”³ So it may be oversimplified to say that “extroverts are happier,” but that is the perception.

The purpose of this post is not to define “introversion,” or ask whether introverts can be happy. Instead, I want to point out that I am an introvert, and based on my own armchair psychological self-analysis,⁴ I’m a pretty strong introvert.

For introverts, church can be hard

With those few traits of an introvert in mind, think about how that might impact church attendance. Feeling overwhelmed in “overly stimulating environments” can certainly apply to church meetings. Sitting in meetings with large numbers of people, walking in church hallways where you are practically shoulder-to-shoulder with people, and having people approach you to talk can certainly qualify as an “overly stimulating environment.”

And as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we try to be friendly. The General Handbook states, “A member of the bishopric invites Young Women class presidencies to organize youth to minister by welcoming visitors and members as they enter the chapel. Youth make an effort to greet members by name.”⁵

Resources on the Church’s website teach us how to “help people feel welcome at church.”⁶ This encourages us to do several things, such as, “Introduce yourself to people you don’t recognize,” or, “Offer to show visitors the way to their next class.”⁷ As an introvert, the last thing I want is for someone I don’t know to approach me. When we have visited wards while on vacation, or when we’ve moved to a new neighborhood, I have found myself dreading attending a new ward, knowing that people will approach me and want to talk.

I hope that doesn’t come across as sounding like I don’t like people, or like I don’t want to talk to people. But it’s an interesting experience being an introvert: those personal interactions can be challenging.

So, church can be hard. It can be an effort to work yourself up to attending. As stated in that introvert/extrovert test, introverts “may find small talk at parties to be exhausting,” and church is one small-talk experience after another. So, for introverts like me, church can be exhausting.

Do introverts need to change to be happy?

Now, I struggle with what I’m about to say next. I know that there are many introverts who are quite happy with their introvertedness. I know that introverts can be happy and have joy in their life. We often define happiness in an extrovert-centric manner, but introverts can be happy. So I’m not trying to say introverts need to change. However, if our introverted nature causes us to miss sacrament meeting, then yes, a change needs to be made.

I have written at length about the sacrament.⁸ When our Sunday meeting schedule was changed from three hours to two, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland taught, “[W]ith the exciting new emphasis on increased gospel learning in the home, it is crucial for us to remember that we are still commanded to ‘go to the house of prayer and offer up thy sacraments upon my holy day.'”⁹ He also said that “the sacrament of the Lord’s Supper [is] the sacred, acknowledged focal point of our weekly worship experience.”¹⁰ President Dallin H. Oaks has said, “The ordinance of the sacrament makes the sacrament meeting the most sacred and important meeting in the Church.”¹¹

Our experience in sacrament meeting should be joyful. I love the Savior’s simple phrase, “ye shall have joy with me.”¹² We should rejoice in our opportunity to worship in sacrament meeting.¹³ If we don’t feel that, we need to change.

I made a choice to change

My moment of change came in April 2013 while we were living in Clearfield. I was working in Salt Lake, and my commute was about an hour and a half each way. I was tired of the drive, and so we were looking for a place closer to Salt Lake. As we talked about what we wanted in a new home, my wife and I decided we wanted to find the best neighborhood, rather than the best home. To be honest, I wasn’t quite sure what we meant by that, but it helped us to look at factors other than just the house. But near the end of March, our real estate agent brought us to our current home. We walked through it, and thought it was OK, but the whole time I thought, “What is the neighborhood like?”

After we walked through it, I was standing outside looking around, and I saw a man in his yard just across the street. At that moment, I thought, “If we want to live in a good neighborhood, I can’t isolate myself; I need to be a good neighbor.” So, I decided to go talk to this man. I remember standing there, and actually clenching my fists, thinking to myself, “I can do this, I can talk to this stranger.”¹⁴

So I walked across the street, introduced myself, said we were considering buying this house, and asked him what he thought of the neighborhood. He smiled, and started telling me about all the neighbors and spoke warmly of his many friends who lived here. I told him the ages of my young children, and asked if there were children that age. He told me about the families who lived nearby with children that same age. As I listened to him, I remember thinking that I wanted to be like him. I wanted to feel that way about my neighbors. I think it was that conversation that convinced us to put an offer on this house.

From that moment, I have worked to try and get to know people. I’ve had church callings that have required me to interact with others, and to my great surprise, I have found joy in that. It hasn’t always been easy. I still have those experiences when I see someone I know in the grocery store and have a moment of panic knowing I’m going to have to make some small talk. (Again, unless you are an introvert you might not understand that. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to talk, but I find those personal interactions challenging). But, for the most part, I look forward to my personal interactions with others.

I am still an introvert. But I find joy associating with people.

The Lord wants us to gather

A significant part of President Russell M. Nelson’s ministry has been focused on the gathering of Israel. Just a few months after he had been sustained as President of the Church, President Nelson held a worldwide devotional with the youth. In that devotional, he said, “Would you like to be a big part of the greatest challenge, the greatest cause, and the greatest work on earth today? Would you like to help gather Israel during these precious latter days? . . . Now, participating in the gathering of Israel will require some sacrifice on your part. It may even require some changes in your life.”¹⁵

More recently, President Nelson talked about how we should be grateful to gather, and he spoke of gathering on a more personal level:

• The Savior is calling us to leave behind the wickedness of the world and gather to Him.
• When we come together and unite as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we enter into fellowship and companionship with one another. We sustain, teach, and edify each other.
• At Church we find spiritual rest and renewal. We find ordinances and the priesthood authority to administer them. We find restored truth, pure doctrine, and personal revelation. We find welcoming arms, consoling hearts, and encouraging voices. We find opportunities to live the two great commandments (see Mark 12:30–31).
• May we be ever grateful for the privilege and trust the Lord has bestowed upon us as we gather to the Savior, gather with the Saints, and gather in His service.¹⁶

Clearly, the term “gathering” is more than just going to a meeting. It is working to create those relationships that will bring us strength and joy. Years ago, I didn’t feel grateful to gather. Surprisingly, I do now. I find joy in attending my church meetings. I am grateful for the opportunity I have to get together with others. This is a significant change for me, and I have a testimony that we can feel joy and healing when we gather with others.

We can find joy, comfort, strength, and peace in gathering

Moroni taught that “the church did meet together oft, to fast and to pray, and to speak one with another concerning the welfare of their souls. And they did meet together oft to partake of bread and wine, in remembrance of the Lord Jesus.”¹⁷ The Lord has said, “I say unto you, as I said unto my disciples, where two or three are gathered together in my name, as touching one thing, behold, there will I be in the midst of them—even so am I in the midst of you.”¹⁸

There is a powerful example of the Savior in the Garden of Gethsemane. He asked his disciples to remain, but he “took with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee,” and he asked them to “tarry ye here, and watch with me.”¹⁹ Why did he ask them to watch with him? What could they do? The Savior’s atonement was something he had to do “alone.”²⁰ So why did he want them there with him?

He went a little further away, and after a time he came back to the three disciples and found them asleep, and said, “What, could ye not watch with me one hour?”²¹ He went away “the second time,” but again came back and once again found them asleep. This time, he didn’t say anything to them, but left them and continued praying.²²

Why did he keep coming back to them? Personally, I think he was looking for strength. In something he had to do alone, something that only he could do, something that he has said caused him to “tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit,”²³ I believe he was looking for the comfort, peace, and strength that friendship can provide.

Joseph Smith taught: “Friendship is one of the grand fundamental principles of ‘Mormonism’; [it is designed] to revolutionize and civilize the world, and cause wars and contentions to cease and men to become friends and brothers. . . . That friendship which intelligent beings would accept as sincere must arise from love, and that love grow out of virtue, which is as much a part of religion as light is a part of Jehovah. Hence the saying of Jesus, ‘Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.’ [John 15:13.]”²⁴

I believe that if we are only physically attending our meetings, doing our best to avoid people, “white-knuckling”²⁵ until we can leave, we aren’t really gathering. To truly gather, we unite our hearts and minds,²⁶ and we make every effort to develop friendships.

Choose to gather

If you find yourself struggling with gathering, choose to change. I am not implying that we need to change our introverted nature; but there is joy to be found in gathering.

In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General issued an advisory on the “Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community.”²⁷ That advisory states, “Our individual relationships are an untapped resource—a source of healing hiding in plain sight. They can help us live healthier, more productive, and more fulfilled lives.”²⁸

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we can find healing in gathering. We can live healthier, more productive, and more fulfilled lives as we make an effort to truly gather with others, and not just “attend” our church meetings. We “gather” as we minister, and as we allow others to minister to us. We “gather” as we magnify our callings. We “gather” as we work to develop close, meaningful, personal connections with others.

I have found joy in gathering. It happened as I made an effort to not just attend my meetings, but as I worked to try and get to know the people in those meetings. I am convinced that as we make a sincere effort to “gather,” we will better understand the Savior when He said, “And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.”²⁹ By making an effort to gather with others, we will better understand how to gather to the Savior, as taught by President Nelson.

References

1. Bella DePaulo Ph.D., “5 Kinds of Introverts and Their Life-Affirming Ways,” February 6, 2020, Psychology Today Website, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/202002/5-kinds-introverts-and-their-life-affirming-ways. ↩︎
2. “Introversion/Extroversion Test,” https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/tests/personality/extroversion-introversion-test. ↩︎
3. Arnie Kozak Ph.D., “Are Extroverts Really Happer?” November 26, 2013, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-buddha-was-introvert/201311/are-extroverts-really-happier. ↩︎
4. “What is Armchair Psychology, And Why Should I Avoid It?” https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/psychologists/what-is-armchair-psychology-and-why-should-i-avoid-it/. ↩︎
5. General Handbook, 29.2.1.3, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/general-handbook/29-meetings-in-the-church?lang=eng&id=p31#p31. ↩︎
6. “Help People Feel Welcome at Church,” https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/serve/share/welcome-at-church?lang=eng. ↩︎
7. Ibid. ↩︎
8. See my post, “The Sacrament: Conclusion,” at https://discoverfaithinchrist.com/the-sacrament-conclusion/, which lists my posts about the sacrament. ↩︎
9. Jeffrey R. Holland, “Behold the Lamb of God,” April 2019 General Conference, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2019/04/28holland?lang=eng. ↩︎
10. Ibid. ↩︎
11. Dallin H. Oaks, “Sacrament Meeting and the Sacrament,” October 2008 General Conference, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2008/10/sacrament-meeting-and-the-sacrament?lang=eng. ↩︎
12. Jacob 5:75. ↩︎
13. See Doctrine and Covenants 59:12-14. In these verses, the Lord talks about joy and rejoicing in conjunction with our Sabbath worship. ↩︎
14. I actually remember thinking about the children’s story, “The Little Engine That Could,” and thinking to myself, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.” See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Little_Engine_That_Could. ↩︎
15. Russell M. Nelson, “Hope of Israel,” Worldwide Youth Devotional, June 3, 2018, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2018/08-se/hope-of-israel?lang=eng. ↩︎
16. Russell M. Nelson, “Grateful to Gather,” Liahona, January 2025, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/liahona/2025/01/03-grateful-to-gather?lang=eng. ↩︎
17. Moroni 6:5-6. ↩︎
18. Doctrine and Covenants 6:32, see also Matthew 18:20, “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” ↩︎
19. Matthew 26:38. ↩︎
20. Doctrine and Covenants 88:106. ↩︎
21. Matthew 26:40. ↩︎
22. Matthew 26:42-46. ↩︎
23. Doctrine and Covenants 19:18. ↩︎
24. Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Joseph Smith, “Chapter 40: How Glorious are Faithful, Just, and True Friends,” 463, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/teachings-joseph-smith/chapter-40?lang=eng. ↩︎
25. “White-knuckle,” Merriam-Webster Dictionary Online, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/white-knuckle. ↩︎
26. Moses 7:18. ↩︎
27. “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation,” https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf. ↩︎
28. Ibid. ↩︎
29. John 17:3. ↩︎