This post is taken from a talk I gave at a stake general priesthood meeting1 on Sunday, May 17, 2024, but these messages are my opinions. Neither this post nor anything else on this website is an official Church-sponsored product.
What is ministering?
“Ministering” is the name given to any effort to “serve others as the Savior did.”2 As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we made covenants at baptism to be willing to take upon ourselves the name of Jesus Christ, serve God and others, and keep God’s commandments.3 Ministering helps us keep our covenants as we seek to serve others and fulfill the Savior’s two great commandments to love God and our neighbor.4
Ministering, or serving others, helps us to come to know God. During his great intercessory prayer, the Savior prayed, “[T]his is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.”5 He taught, “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”6 King Benjamin taught how service can help us know God when he said, “[H]ow knoweth a man the master whom he has not served, and who is a stranger unto him, and is far from the thoughts and intents of his heart?”7
We come to know God as we serve others, and ministering gives us that opportunity to serve. As baptized members of the Church, we are given ministering assignments. There are many reasons for these assignments. They help those assigned to minister to be focused on their ministering efforts. Those assignments also ensure that every household and every adult sister has a minister.8
Ministering is organized by elders quorum and Relief Society presidencies.9 Young women and young men can also be given ministering assignments in the year they turn 14.10 These ministering assignments are not callings. “Ministering brothers and sisters are not called, sustained, or set apart. Their service is part of the covenant they made at baptism.”11
As members of the Church, we sometimes struggle with our ministering assignments. We wonder what we need to do, or what is enough. We can feel awkward when we approach someone and say, “I’ve been assigned to be your minister.” It can feel forced and unnatural. But if we contemplate the reasons for ministering, and how it can help us and those individuals and families to whom we are assigned, we can see how these assignments are designed to bless all of us.
The Savior is our perfect example
As in all things, the Savior is our perfect example of ministering. All scripture shows us how he ministered perfectly, and we could spend our lives studying his example. But I have wondered about a scripture that may show us that Jesus also needed others to minister to him, and so he asked his friends for help. This example is shown in the Savior’s request that Peter, James, and John accompany him to Gethsemane.
The Savior performed the atonement on the last night of his mortal life.12 In the words of Alma, he suffered “pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.”13
In the Savior’s own words, the suffering he experienced during the atonement was so great, that it caused him, “even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit.”14
After that tremendous suffering, he was taken, tried, and crucified. As he hung on the cross, he exclaimed, “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?”15 Of this experience, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland taught:
“It was required, indeed it was central to the significance of the Atonement, that this perfect Son who had never spoken ill nor done wrong nor touched an unclean thing had to know how the rest of humankind—us, all of us—would feel when we did commit such sins. For His Atonement to be infinite and eternal, He had to feel what it was like to die not only physically but spiritually, to sense what it was like to have the divine Spirit withdraw, leaving one feeling totally, abjectly, hopelessly alone.”16
Jesus wanted his friends with him in Gethsemane
When the Savior went to Gethsemane to perform the atonement, he “took with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee.”17 Why did he ask these men to come with him? He had to perform the atonement alone, so what could they have possibly done for him? I believe that in this, we see the Savior wanting his friends with him as he performed that “great and last sacrifice.”18
In Gethsemane, the Savior said to Peter, James, and John, “My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me. And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt. And he cometh unto the disciples, and findeth them asleep, and saith unto Peter, What, could ye not watch with me one hour?”19
It was his duty alone, as the Savior of the world, to perform the atonement. In that, there was nothing that his friends could do for him. But they could be there for him to support him. I think it is likely that the Savior found strength and comfort in even just the hope that his friends were with him.
If the Savior found strength in his friends, what greater need have we to find strength in friendships?
There is power in friendship
What is ministering? What are we supposed to do in a ministering assignment? What is considered “enough,” or at least “sufficient” to fulfill our ministering assignments?
As we seek to understand our ministering assignments, we can find guidance in the simple question, “What would a friend do?”
There is significant evidence supporting the benefits of friendship. An article on the Psychology Today website states, “Strong friendships are a critical aspect of most people’s emotional well-being. Research indicates that close friendships are associated with greater happiness, self-esteem, and sense of purpose. These bonds [of close friendships] are even associated with physical outcomes, such as lower blood pressure and a longer lifespan.”20
That same article warns that “adult friendships don’t happen automatically—they require intention, time, and effort.”21
Intention, time, and effort. These are words that could accurately describe what we should be doing in our ministering assignments.
The Savior pled with Peter, James, and John to watch with him, and he repeated that request after he found them asleep. The word he used, “watch,” means to be alert or to be vigilant, like a guard keeping a lookout.22 Certainly, that requires intention, time, and effort. We can see in this story an example of ministering, and the Savior instructing us on how to minister. We need to follow the Savior’s counsel and “watch” in our ministering assignments.
Friendships require effort
Our ministering relationships can be the foundation for meaningful friendships. But it must be more than casually asking if they’re “ok” when we happen to see them at church or in the parking lot. It has to be much more than sending a text now and then. We have to be intentional in our efforts, and we have to invest time and be consistent. Our intention, our time, and our effort will help us develop relationships through our ministering assignments that can be a source of strength and joy.
Over the years I have heard people express concerns about trying to develop friendships out of ministering assignments, such as “you can’t develop real friendships out of an assigned relationship,” or “I’ve tried, but nobody will reciprocate,” or, “I have social anxieties and am uncomfortable associating with others.”
I understand these concerns. As an introvert myself, I have struggled to find joy in my associations with others. Any form of social anxiety can make it very difficult to even come to church, knowing you’re going to have to interact with so many people, even if they’re people you know and respect.
In October 2012, I had an experience that led me to change how I felt about this. I was watching general conference with my family, when I heard President Thomas S. Monson announce the age change for missionaries.23 My children were young at the time (11, 9, 6, and 3). As I thought about the age change and how it would impact my children, I started to feel an urgency to help them prepare to serve a mission. I thought that was strange, as they were still so young. So, I tried to push that feeling aside. But as the days and weeks passed, I couldn’t shake that feeling, and I started to wonder if I was feeling the Holy Ghost encouraging me to do something, but I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do.
So, I started searching to try and understand. The more I thought about it, the more I started to believe that the Lord was disappointed in me. For several years, I had been active in the church, but my heart wasn’t in it. I was like the Zoramites, who attended their church services, but then “returned to their homes, never speaking of their God again until they had assembled themselves together again” on their day of worship.24 So as I pondered why I was feeling this urgency, I started to believe that the Lord was telling me that I needed to be more diligent in living his gospel.
I felt humbled, and so I started to make a greater effort. There is much more to this story, but this experience was the start of my efforts to be more intentional with my discipleship. I studied more, I prayed and pondered more, and I tried harder to magnify my callings.
In November 2013, I was called as a counselor in the bishopric. I was trying to be more diligent, and more intentional in my efforts, and so I wanted to do well in that calling. But, because of my social anxieties, I was concerned because this calling was going to make me interact with other people. I wish I could explain the conflict that I felt. On one hand, I felt the “natural man,”25 the social anxieties, the fear of talking to people. But on the other hand, I felt the still, small promptings of the Spirit encouraging me. I felt the Savior’s love for the members of my ward. I never felt the Savior criticize me for my struggles. Instead, I felt his love and mercy, and that encouragement from him made me want to continue to serve him.
Over time, I could feel myself change. That internal conflict lessened, and to my surprise, I began to enjoy attending my meetings, I began to look forward to meeting with and visiting members of my ward. I began forming friendships in my callings as I worked to overcome my anxieties.
I have a testimony that we need each other, and that our assignments and callings in the Church can help us find and develop close personal friendships. Even those who prefer to be alone can find strength and joy in friendships. And those friendships can develop through ministering assignments, but for that to happen, we need to work at it. We need to be intentional with our efforts. We have to be diligent, and consistent, and we have to rely on the Lord to give us the strength to move forward.
How can we become better ministers?
I know that ministering can be a struggle. It can be a challenge to know what to do. We can feel certain levels of anxiety, but there is joy to be found as we work to turn those ministering relationships into friendships.
But it takes our full intentions, it takes effort, and it takes time.
Start with a relationship with your ministering companion. If you’ve struggled with ministering, be honest and genuine. Let your companion know your challenges, but be genuine in wanting to be better. Do what friends do. Go to lunch together. Or if you can’t fit that in your schedule, find a time when you can do an early breakfast together, or get together as families. Find common interests. Go golfing, or play pickleball. Do what friends do.
If you have been assigned a young man or a young woman as a ministering companion, you will have some restrictions on what you can do with your companion.26 So, work to develop a relationship with the parents of those youth. Or talk with another companionship who also has a young man or young woman as a companion, and do something as a group. There are many things that you can do to develop these types of friendships, but it requires intention, time, and effort. Be creative.
Develop friendships with your ministering families. Invite them to your home for dinner, or a game night, or dessert. Go on double dates. Offer to watch their kids so they can have some time to go out. Be creative. Do what friends do.
As you act intentionally, dedicating time and effort, your assigned ministering relationships can develop into lifelong friendships.
Minister as disciples of Christ
Although we should work to develop friendships out of our ministering assignments, ministering is so much more than what the world would see as friendship. We are tasked to carry priesthood power into the homes of our ministering families.27 We can bless their lives with our faith, our testimonies, and the priesthood authority that each minister, whether a man or a woman, carries into the homes of their ministering families.28 As we do that, we will also have our faith strengthened.
In his great intercessory prayer, the Savior said, “This is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.”29
What does it mean to know God? There is much that can be said about that subject, but before the Savior performed the atonement, he said to his disciples, “Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.”30
In this dispensation, the Lord said to Joseph Smith, “Verily, I say unto my servant Joseph Smith, Jun., or in other words, I will call you friends, for you are my friends, and ye shall have an inheritance with me—I called you servants for the world’s sake, and ye are their servants for my sake.”31
I believe that there are great similarities to be found between coming to know God, and developing friendships. Like developing friendships, if we want to know God, we must be intentional, it requires time, and and it requires effort.
As we strive to develop friendships in our ministering assignments, we will learn to love them. We will grow closer to having our “hearts knit together in unity and love.”32 We will create our own Zion society, as we will be “of one heart and one mind.”33
As we work to develop friendships in our ministering assignments, we will feel the Lord’s approval as he whispers to us, “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these, my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”34
As we work to develop friendships in our ministering assignments, not only will we develop friendships in our ministering assignments, we will be developing a friendship with our Savior as we serve him through our service to others.
References
- General Handbook, 29.3.2, “Stake General Priesthood Meeting,” https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/general-handbook/29-meetings-in-the-church?lang=eng&id=title_number17-title29#title_number17. ↩︎
- General Handbook, 21, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/general-handbook/21-ministering?lang=eng&id=p1-title6#p1. ↩︎
- See generally Dale G. Renlund, “Stronger and Closer Connection to God Through Multiple Covenants,” BYU Speeches, March 5, 2024, https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/dale-g-renlund/stronger-and-closer-connection-to-god-through-multiple-covenants/; see also “Becoming Lifelong Disciples of Jesus Christ,” Chapter 3: Lesson 4, Preach My Gospel, 76, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/preach-my-gospel-2023/04-chapter-3/11-chapter-3-lesson-4?lang=eng&id=p1-p7#p1. I’ve written more about our baptismal covenants, and our covenant relationship with God, in my post titled “A Covenant Relationship with God,” https://discoverfaithinchrist.com/a-covenant-relationship-with-god/. ↩︎
- General Handbook, 21; Matthew 20:26-28. ↩︎
- John 17:3. ↩︎
- Matthew 25:31-46. ↩︎
- Mosiah 5:10-13. ↩︎
- Handbook 21, “The Lord wants all members of His Church to receive such care. For this reason, priesthood holders are assigned as ministering brothers to each member household. Ministering sisters are assigned to each adult sister. These assignments help ensure that Church members are remembered and cared for.” ↩︎
- General Handbook 21.2.1. ↩︎
- General Handbook 21.2.2. ↩︎
- General Handbook 21.2.1. ↩︎
- See generally Matthew 26; Mark 14; Luke 22; John 14-18; Topics and Questions, “Atonement of Jesus Christ,” https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics/atonement-of-jesus-christ?lang=eng&id=title1#title1. ↩︎
- Alma 7:11-12. ↩︎
- D&C 19:18-19. ↩︎
- Matthew 27:46. ↩︎
- Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, “None Were with Him,” Ensign May 2009, 86-88, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2009/05/none-were-with-him?lang=eng&id=title1#title1. ↩︎
- Matthew 26:37. ↩︎
- Alma 34:9-14. ↩︎
- Matthew 26:36-40. ↩︎
- “Friends,” Psychology Today, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/friends. ↩︎
- “Friends,” Psychology Today, ↩︎
- Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, “watch,” https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/watch. ↩︎
- “I am pleased to announce that effective immediately all worthy and able young men who have graduated from high school or its equivalent, regardless of where they live, will have the option of being recommended for missionary service beginning at the age of 18, instead of age 19. . . . I am [also] pleased to announce that able, worthy young women who have the desire to serve may be recommended for missionary service beginning at age 19, instead of age 21.” President Thomas S. Monson, “Welcome to Conference,” Ensign, November 2012, 4-5, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2012/11/saturday-morning-session/welcome-to-conference?lang=eng&id=p12-p13#p12. ↩︎
- Alma 31:23. ↩︎
- Mosiah 3:19. ↩︎
- See the training called “Protecting Children and Youth” to see the Church’s guidelines on how adults are supposed to interact with youth, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/callings/church-safety-and-health/protecting-children-and-youth?lang=eng. ↩︎
- See, for example, General Handbook 21.1, “Ministering sisters and brothers have the following responsibilities,” which include, “Help them strengthen their faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ; Help them prepare to make and keep sacred covenants with God as they receive ordinances; Help parents prepare their children to receive ordinances and keep covenants; Discern needs and provide Christlike love, caring, and service; Offer help and comfort in times of spiritual or temporal need. Discuss needs during ministering interviews and at other times; Help them become spiritually and temporally self-reliant.” ↩︎
- See President Dallin H. Oaks, “The Keys and Authority of the Priesthood,” Ensign, May 2014, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2014/05/priesthood-session/the-keys-and-authority-of-the-priesthood.html?lang=eng#title1; “We are not accustomed to speaking of women having the authority of the priesthood in their Church callings, but what other authority can it be? When a woman—young or old—is set apart to preach the gospel as a full-time missionary, she is given priesthood authority to perform a priesthood function. The same is true when a woman is set apart to function as an officer or teacher in a Church organization under the direction of one who holds the keys of the priesthood. Whoever functions in an office or calling received from one who holds priesthood keys exercises priesthood authority in performing her or his assigned duties.” ↩︎
- John 17:3. ↩︎
- John 15:14. ↩︎
- Doctrine and Covenants 93:45-46. ↩︎
- Mosiah 18:21. ↩︎
- Moses 7:18. ↩︎
- Matthew 25:40. ↩︎